while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
