She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
this beer tastes like vomit already
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
