I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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