We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
