I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
