Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
