Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
