that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
