I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
