wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
