I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
