DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
we're making bets on your personal life
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
