even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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