someone threw a dead crab at me
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
