Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
