you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Say something about gay babies.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
