he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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