The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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