Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
