I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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