I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She told me I should be a condom model.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
