I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
