worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My vagina just clenched in fear
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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