:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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