I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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