Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
