just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
