We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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