I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Randomize
