i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
