How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
