We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
