Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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