Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
