Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
