if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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