She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
