they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
