I'm so fucking centered right now
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
