Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
