Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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