I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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