I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
