i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
