She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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