STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
