fuck your aforementioned shoe
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize