You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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