the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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