capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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