Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
