garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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