You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Alive.
So much puke
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
