I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
