There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
