My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
