bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize