Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
