You're earring is so big in my mouth
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
