we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
jump out the window naked night went bad
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
