The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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