I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
