My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
