i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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