I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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