So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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