Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize