dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
