i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
