so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
