Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
