I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
