I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
