I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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